"Feelings buried alive never die."

-Karol K. Truman

LESSON 25: Addiction and Distraction

by Carol B Webster

What do you do when emotional pain gets intense?

Do you grab a spoon and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey while binge-watching the Great British Baking Show?

Commonly, we bury pain hoping it will be gone forever if we distract ourselves and forget it.  We all did this (and probably got good at it) to survive childhood.  Sometimes those old, buried issue surface and we don’t even know what it is from.  When we feel old stuff surface it can feel intense, confusing, unfair and frustrating.

Many (probably all of us) turn to some form of addiction to get a quick-fix distraction when we feel uncomfortable.  Addictions range from drugs, alcohol and sex to binging on exercising, running, reading, food, TV, YouTube, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and plenty of other “vices”.

Beating ourselves up about our “vices” and mindless addictions only makes matters worse.

Becoming aware of our personal pattern of running away from emotional pain is the first step to using distractions consciously as we mature and heal.  The more we can stay aware and process uncomfortable emotions (energy-in-motion), the greater our capacity to tolerate and bounce back from challenges and find balance and healing.

Years ago I read a book titled

“Feelings buried alive never die.” -Karol K. Truman

We all reach emotional limits.  When we are aware of those limits, it’s a good time to choose a GOOD (not harmful) distraction.  Do something you can enjoy within appropriate boundaries that uplifts you and allows you to leave the emotional work for a while.  BUT, promise yourself to return to the e-motion and not bury it.  This is where that pint of ice cream might be an uplifting-tool instead of guilt-inducing addiction.

It can be hard to return to your emotional work.  It is almost always best to feel and process it while it is up on the radar.  The emotional energy can become elusive and hard to beckon back on cue.  Think of whatever old emotional stuff that comes up as a blessing.  When those old feelings bubble up, it is because you are now strong enough to clean out some old thoughts and feelings that have been lurking below the surface. (If you are not sure how to clear old emotions, a Holding Space Practice mentor can help you learn.)

In my opinion, it is OK to “call in sick” for “emotional clearing” on days it comes up.  If you have flu and cold symptoms, you don’t go to work.  You rest and allow your body to heal.  If you are aware of old emotions that need time to process and clear, taking a day off work can save you from more serious illness later.  

“Calling in sick” looks different for stay-at-home moms.  It might look like canceling a playdate for your toddler and letting him/her have extra videos to give you some space to do your emotional work.

Can you relate to what Rachel Sargent wrote?:

The Holding Space Practice gives me permission to feel my feelings, without shaming or rejecting parts of my emotional life, but rather seeing all emotions as valid, that deserve their own space. Emotions can be helpful information, even if they are not pleasant.  The tool of “Gently Noticing with Curiosity” helps me remember to

be,

see what is,

and withhold judgment.  

“Staying in the Space without Distraction” has become a mantra for me, as this fast-paced modern life is full to the brim with distractions that can impede connection with others and even the very experience of our being in our own life. 

You are stronger than you know and getting stronger as you stay with the Holding Space Practice work!  Like Rachel said, you could use “Stay in the space.  Don’t give in to distraction”  as a mantra.  Repeat it over and over in your mind.  Coloring and repeating this (or another mantra) as you color can help it get inside of you!

Click to download coloring page

Quote Corner

Practice checklist:

• How do YOU recognize when you are starting to feel stress, anxiety, overwhelm or depression BEFORE you get completely overwhelmed? (hint: notice where you are tight in your body, circular thinking, irritation etc.)

• What are your vices, temptations or unhealthy distractions? (ideas: alcohol, misuse of drugs, yelling, physical harming of self or others, pornography, anorexia, bulimia, picking a fight, nasty comments on social media...)

• List any "healthy" or "neutral" distractions you are aware you have. (Ideas: running, cooking healthy meals, cleaning, studying or researching, watching a decent quality movie or show, napping...)

• Practice CHOOSING healthy distractions with awareness when you need a break.

• Write a plan to reach for when you notice early signs of stress, anxiety, overwhelm or depression are just starting. Stay present with those emotion as long as you can. Talk to a mentor or trusted friend and let them know. Take "healthy distraction" breaks when you need to with awareness (no guilt).

• YOUR ideas?