"God can give miracles only when we are aligned to an unknown path."

-Adriane Ragan

LESSON 31: Trusting Life's Purpose for Me

by Adriane Ragan

Adriane bravely tells us part of her story. Does it overlap with yours?

Every person has a unique story to live, tell, re-live, re-tell, and re-frame. Time gives wisdom and perspective when we examine our stories from the lens of love instead of fear. Adriane bravely tells us part of her story. Does it overlap with yours?

For 15 years of my adult life, my identity was strongly based on my career. I worked for an organization that I loved, felt connected to the mission, and found community in an extended family of co-workers. 

I derived so much meaning in my life from the projects I worked on, the problems I solved, and the relationships I helped build. And for my committed efforts, I was given an abundant amount of validation and opportunity from superiors. I was compensated financially well too. 

Then I hit a crossroads in my life. I was the mother of two small children, one with an undiagnosed learning disability and the other an infant. Life became incredibly hard. Every day felt like I had to do logistical gymnastics to juggle work constraints, babysitting schedules, meals, house chores, social engagements, doctor appointments, tantrums, and take care of my own needs. Of course, I had the help of a good husband, but many of the needs related to home and family felt like “mine” to handle. My work schedule was also more flexible than his, so I convinced myself I could make it work. 

And it did “work” for a time until I went through a physical and mental crisis where I shut down. My body and mind were informing me that the load I was carrying was severely unbalanced and unsustainable. It took me several months of receiving various forms of support to recoup. I also found yoga and Ayurveda at this time which planted many good seeds to help me discover a new path. 

Within a year, I came to a place of knowing I needed (and wanted) to focus my time and energy on being home full-time. I wanted to personally care for our children every day and apply myself in ways that I felt were my higher purpose for this season of life. 

In August 2017, I left my cherished career. Since then, I have many times missed my former life, but I have also known I am exactly where I need to be for me. I’ll spare filling in many of the details from then until now but suffice it to say it has not been smooth sailing. There has been identity struggle, hard decisions to make financially including selling our dream home to live much more modestly, taking on various part-time jobs I could do from home to help with needed expenses, and many, many prayers of faith that a given hardship would “work out.”

I can look back and say it has worked out. I didn’t see it at the time, but after time and reflection, I can see more clearly how answers and solutions always came. Always. It is partially for this experience that my favorite scripture is Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

I have felt my daily paths as well as my bigger path being directed by God as I have changed my perspective to trust Him through faith and acknowledge Him through gratitude. And yet, every so often I go through the experience of wondering if I should quit this stay-at-home life and return to a career job full time. 

This past week that question entered my mind again. We’ve had many medical and dental needs come up this year (including a new baby! ☺️) While we have “good” insurance, the amounts we must pay have been piling up. It’s a significant amount, and while I know we can address it in time, an embedded fear crept inside of me and made me question whether I should return to a high-paying job at this time to alleviate this stress more quickly. 

Similar to Carol’s previously mentioned experience, I had my own moment of, “Should I quit and get a job?” It was uncomfortable. I physically felt ill. I could not focus on tasks at hand and was drawn to numbing and distracting activities. This lasted for the better part of two days. I stayed with the feeling, doing my best to observe what I was feeling without giving in completely to fear and negative thinking. 

Slowly answers came my way. Reminders, really, of what I already know. “Move your body, Adriane.” And so I did. “Breath deeply. Drink water. Take a soothing shower. Pray.” After caring for my physical body in this way, I came to a more relaxed state and peace began to flow into my core and radiate into my limbs. 

I found my center again. I felt sure in my decision to continue to be home full-time during this season of having young children. While I do not have the answers to all the questions on my heart at this time, I have faith those answers will come. The path is right and it’s only a matter of time. 

Sharing “my story” with you has been intended to provide the context for the big lesson I’m learning about faith. For much of my life, the internal story I crafted was that uncertainty, especially financial uncertainty, was bad and must be controlled to every extent possible. I can see this stemmed from a season in my growing up that was very financially unstable. It was painful and left an emotional scar. I have worked much of my adult life to prevent being reminded of that season and being exposed to uncertainty. 

But it’s with this recent experience I’ve learned that the story I told myself of uncertainty being bad is rooted in fear. Instead, a new story came to me that uncertainty is helpful to my personal growth. Uncertainty gives me the opportunity to consciously choose faith and trust in God. It places me at a pivotal crossroads where if I choose the path that is led by faith, I become open to receiving answers, blessings, even unexpected miracles! God can give miracles only when we are aligned to an unknown path. Conversely, if I choose the path led by fear, I become narrow-minded. My inner world contracts and is consumed by control, worry, and doubt. 

If you are like me, you want to seek the path where miracles, great things, and “success,” are possible. And yet it’s also tempting to try to dissect and analyze HOW those great things happen and develop a formula to repeat in the future which bypasses the uncomfortable "uncertainty step". The hard truth is, there is no skipping this step. There is no magic formula you can master to avoid uncertainty. It is a part of the principle of faith. And faith is the prerequisite to opening our minds and hearts so there is a place where great things can be received. 

As you do your inner work, there inevitably will be moments of uncertainty. It may be changes you need to make, important decisions, or receiving answers to hard questions. When--not if--you find yourself in this place, remember you are at a crossroads of choice. You can choose to be led by fear or to be led by faith. One results in contraction and the other expansion. It takes multiple experiences to practice being on the path of expansion. It’s ok. Life is for learning. This is the practice. 

Click here to view the 8-minute video

Carol had unexpected visitors which results in the unexpected gift of a sourdough start. This "start" becomes a loaf of bread and leads to a possibly profound insight that follows-up on the concept of 5 loaves feeding 5000. Participating in eating part of something that was whole (like a loaf of bread) creates unity. Another less-welcome visitor in the kitchen reminds us how unity brings strength.

Quote Corner

Practice checklist:

Sharing your thoughts with a trusted person helps you see more. Holding Space Practice mentors are trained to be "trusted people".

• Pause and take three deep breaths before you read, ponder and answer the following question.

• Are you currently living the life you want to live?

• If yes, what does and expansion of your current life look like?

• If no, what does your ideal look and feel like? What do you need to clear out to make room for this reality?

• What "loaf of bread" (gifts, talents, resources) do you have to offer that God could multiply to help many people? What might "offering" those gifts look like for you?

• YOUR ideas?